Dilemma

I sometimes wonder, What is it I want to live with-
You, or the thought of you

I sometimes wonder what I want to do away with-
You, or the thought of you

I sometimes wonder what should I choose for myself
You or the thought of you

I sometimes wonder who understands me better-
You or the thought of you

I sometimes wonder who is real-
You or the thought of you

I sometimes wonder why can't they be one-
You and the thought of you.

Random

Days are always beautiful as you deal with people,,,,,but nights can be haunting as you have to deal with yourself....and this chilling rainfall doesn't help....you have nothing to warm yourself with and just the cold thought of not being with the one who you want to be with.

Do I need a reason to live?

They say the world is too cruel,

They won’t let you forget that you are not pure

That you were ripped apart inside out  

That your soul was played with

Like a mud doll

They say I am living dead

There is no meaning, there’s nothing left.

My mother looks at me and thinks

Had it been not better if I were a still born

My brother puts up a brave face,

To the world that knows him not

Inside he is a broken man

His identity has been fixed for life

He shares his blood with a raped girl.

My father can’t look at my bandaged body

He wishes I were dead long back.

His pride shattered, his head bent

His eyes will not look up ever again.

I lie on the hospital bed

My eyes closed, groaning in pain.

I hear a voice that whispers something

Do I also want the same thing for me?

No,I say never,not at all

Keep those prayers, you sympathies to you

I want to see the blue sky again

And feel the gust of wind beating against my face.

I want to sing in hushed voice in bathroom

While bathing away the day’s weariness.

I want to eat that special sweet

My mother cooks on my birthdays.

I want to go back to the warmth of

My hearth, my home.

And sleep as if there were no tomorrow

I want to walk the streets of the city

That I have learnt to call my home.

Deadly Detachment

On Wednesday Delhi woke up to a horrific story. Two sisters in their mid-forties kept themselves locked in their house in Noida for six months and were starving to death. No one else lived with them. Both were unmarried.

After the death of their parents in the mid-nineties and abandoned by their brother, the two sisters had no one to turn to. Living in abject poverty without electricity and water connection, no one ever visited them. They always remained indoors and survived on chips and biscuits. But when their only companion, their pet dog, died they lost their will to live. They stopped eating entirely, silently waiting for death to take over.

No one from the neighbourhood or even the Residents' Welfare Association did anything terming the strange behaviour of the sisters as "entirely personal matter." It was only after a social activist intervened that the Noida police barged into their house and rescued them.

Now, in hospital, one of the sisters is in coma and the other barely alive.

This is not a stray incident that we come across everyday in newspapers, read, express horror and forget. This incident in isolation might seem to be a story of individual pain and suffering but put into a larger social context it brings forth a suppressed yet a very obnoxious reality of our times.

Acute depression is a problem that is becoming increasingly prevalent in every metropolis. The lack of sense of belonging to the community and complete absence of social interaction leads to insecurity which when not addressed at an early stage futher leads to various mental disorder like schizophrenia and losing the will to live.

Human being is a Gregorius animal. Socialisation is an art that man has mastered since the inception of its race. After birth, the first social unit that we come in contact with is our family. We learn to identify people around us, forge relations. We learn to be affectionate towards others and love others.

As we grow, we look out for people like us. We choose and become a part a group of like-minded individuals who we call friends. They become our world, people we live for and can't do without.

The journey of human life is fraught with uncertainties. Relations change, equations change with changing circumstances. But what doesn't change is the innate human want for companionship and his tendency of emotional dependence. We need a cushion to fall back on every time we are hit, pained and defeated in the struggle of survival. We are not so strong to go through everything all alone. Human beings were not meant to do so.

But the mechanical world in which we live today, doesn't leave us with the time to ponder over such tender issues. We want to earn money, splurge on the latest gadgets and load our wardrobes with clothes we would never wear, beat every one else in the race of materialisation.

Who has the time to spare a thought about what we miss in this rat race?

How does it matter to us if someone in our neighbourhood is starving or dying? We will have our nose dug in our ipad and push in the leads of our ear-phone deep inside, so that no amount of howling and painful cries can break our blissful dream of utter contentment.

Coming back to the story of the Noida sisters, deserted by fate, they were forced to live a life unworthy of human dignity. If the community cannot provide two helpless women security, it speaks volume of our degrading morals and ethics.

Human callousness has reached dangerous levels. We love to be apathetic, we love to see people in pain and unhappiness. We love to discuss the misfortune of others but never extend a helping hand or even lend a patient ear to suffering people.

If development costs us our very human nature of kindness and empathy, what is the point of this blind race? The Noida episode is only a prelude to a much bleak situation. It is a slap on the face of a society that claims to be civilised and developed but is devoid of any tenderness and concern for others.

It's time that we learnt something from this..... or else tomorrow we would be rotting in some dark corner of a busy, indifferent urban jungle and our cries of pain would be lost in the noise of gadgets we had so preciously accumulated over the period of our life.

Revolution

The ongoing movement"India Against Corruption" to get the Lokpal Bill passed has fired the imagination and seized the attention of every citizen of this country. The apolitical leadership of Anna Hazare has given it a different shade and momentum. The fight for the bill has been on for 43 years but it has never before occupied the center stage.

Many had labelled the terms and conditions of the Lokpal Bill, as envisaged by eminent people of the civil society,as utopia. Now that the bill is almost on the verge of seeing the light of the day without any major change in the civil society stance, it has got cynics wagging their tongues. They are sceptical about how the bill would make any signigicant change in a country where corruption has seeped deep into the DNA of its people. No doubt corruption is the sole antagonist in our democracy. Only time will tell whether the bill would have any positive outcome in a country which is corruption infested bottom up and inside out. It's too early to discuss the sucess and the failure of the bill.

However, in our cynicism, we are overlooking a very important factor that made this revolution not only a success but the focal point of every dining table discussion and serious political deliberations.

A democracy can function in it's true spirit only when citizens are aware of their rights and sensitive towards their duties. Unfortunately in India, the world's largest democracy, this has never been true. The right to vote might seem to be a veto power in the hands of citizens to topple an ineffiecient government within a span of five yearrs. But lack of political mobilisition, awareness and illiteracy have reduced the right to vote to a mere formality, where people at best are participating in the decision making process in a passive manner. Add to this the money and muscle power that rule our electoral system and the political milieage gained by manipulating religious sentiments of people.All you get is a farce in the name of democracy.

And why blame just the political class. The educated elite basking in the glory of India's rapid economic growth and the disillusioned urban youth entangled in a mess of foreign dreams and westernisation didn't help the cause of this rotting system. Safe and sound in their own cocoons, they just wanted to have one big fat party. But things couldn't have gone on like this forever. In the past one year a series of scams have been unearthed. Every expose was followed by vigorous attempts of cover up. All this not only damaged the credibility of the government irreparably but also took a toll on the ever-complacent attitude of Indian masses. And when we are seeing live footages of revolution raging across the Middle-East, could the fever of being rebellious and turn a little dissident escaped us?

The run up to the governments relenting to accept the Lokpal Bill, saw people turning out in hoards. It was simply the reflection of the changing psyche of a newly awakened India. Coupled with the frenzy created by media, it seemed as if India has been transported to some different era. And what was noteworthy, was the diversity of protesters who had gathered at Jantar Mantar. From safai Karamacharis to educated elite, from students to professionals, from house wives to school children, every strata of the society shared the same platform, without any grudge or disdain for each other. Economic and social background became irrelevant. Each individual, each group and each community merged with each other unhesitantly. Afterall they were the victims of the same system.

No one can predict the future of the Anti-corruption Bill. But the fact that the whole of India stood up as one unit for a cause in so many years, is a reason enough to celebrate. So, today the cynics can shut up!!! Let this incredulous moment sink in. Let this be the beginning of a new era, a new India.

The riddle of being too busy

There is something really strange about the way we conduct ourselves when we have work in our hand. We forget that we are mere human beings who have certain emotions and are tied by innumerable relations. We behave in the most mechanical way and give a damn about the rest of the world. The strangest part is that we feel a certain pride in being busy. We make it a point to let others realise how engrossed, happy and satisfied we are in our world and thus how every one else is insignificant in our life.

However, the point is are we really as busy as we pretend to be? Do we actually don't have the time to call back mum when we see her missed calls or reply to a friend's message? How much time does it take to be in touch with everyone and does being busy means snapping relationships? These are some bothersome questions that are becoming more and more prominent in a society a that is increasingly becoming self centered and individualistic.

Work certainly is an indispensible part of life but then it's just a part and not our entire life. True, our career would finally decide our bank balance and standard of living but it certainly would not define the person we are. And the biggest question is are we really happy in our isolated worlds? Haven't you wanted to speak to some one in the middle of night just to bitch about your boss after it became too much for you to bear his bashing. Or didn't you feel like ringing up an old friend to cry your heart out after your beau became your ex?

Only if you had given a buzz to that friend on his birthday you would have the face to call him up. But that day you were too busy chomping pop corns in some corner of an empty cinema hall with your boyfriend or girlfriend who was destined to be your ex or went to bed after a tiring day of work five minutes earlier well remembering his birthday but too tired to wish him.

Things don't remain hunky dory all the times. Today you might be engazed with someone or something but tomorrow that dear person might abandon you and that cherished work may dessert you. But if you know how to acknowledge and stay connected with people in your happy and your so called busy days you would certainly find someone to be by your side on a sad ,lonely, idle day.

A new year and a new you

On the first day of the year you are filled with optimism that the year ahead would change your world in a big way and change it for better. You wish that the new year solves all your problem; that your rouge kids would behave themselves; that your fat, old wife would turn into a delicate arm candy; that your ever ill tempered and aloof boss would acknowledge your work; that you would get a long standing promotion and finally be able to make that trip to Goa you had always promised your kids. The wish list can go on as human desires know no limits.

But if you paid a little more attention to your wish list you discover a certain pattern in it.

In all your well-intentioned wishes, there never figures the desire for self change. While you believe that the New Year would usher in a dramatic change in your life, amending the people around and transforming the circumstances you find yourself in, you never ask for a change in yourself.

Are you perfect? Is there nothing in you that you would do better without in this new year.

You may think of yourself as a near perfect creation of God. You may no fault with yourself and blame all your misfortune on someone. You may deceive the world, but can you deceive yourself?

For once and all before beginning a new year with hopes of change, close your eyes and rewind the year in your mind. You would find that many a nasty fights could have been avoided and many a mishaps evaded if only you were a little less arrogant and a little more careful. A handful such teeny weenie corrections in yourself might just change the world around you in the way you had wanted it to be.

You spend hours discussing what’s wrong with others and believe all is well with you.

In our self-obsession, we neglect a vital activity of our life- self discovery. Introspection and not self-obsession will help us invent ourselves.

let this year be the year of real change. Utilise the newness of this year to rediscover and re-invent yourself. Otherwise this year would become as old and stale as the bygone one and you still find yourself as messed up, as discontent and as exasperated as ever. Gift yourself a brand new ‘you’ this New Year.